So a lot of my focus the past few months has been all about forgiving and forgetting and letting go of all the stuff that is not important. Healing from my divorce and grieving the past and future that will not be because of that is part of it as well. Forgiving my Ex-Husband has been key because as humans we need closure and holding onto anger and resentment will leave you emotionally cripple if you don't nip it in the bud. Having no expectations of my Ex has let me release the tension that was once there and genuinely try to work with him and be an example of Godliness, which as we all know is really hard. I mean the hardest thing I've ever had to do because true to form of my Greek lineage, I am stubborn as a mule. Letting God handle it has been a particularly frustrating one for me, because I am not a patient person by nature, but I am learning to be.
Another aspect of all this is dealing with how my daughter is healing from the experience. There have been tantrums and acting out in school. Lately, the resentment and disappointment I had hoped my daughter wouldn't have to face has been rearing its ugly head. She is starting to realize part of the true nature of her father's character and she doesn't like it one bit. His schedule has also been an obstacle lately and often entails much alone time for her while she is there as he sleeps all day per his work schedule, so now she doesn't look forward to her visits anymore and often complains about this or that. I feel her pain, I feel angry and sad for her because she is not having the kind of experience with her father as I had with mine. Its hard to love a selfish person, and this lesson is one she is learning too young. I do my best, although soon I think some sort of outside assistance will be needed, as I am not a Child Psychologist, and she clearly needs one. Oi! I need an aspirin!
